What does self care mean for the 2020 Holiday Season?
As I write this, the results of the November 2020 election are unknown. Government entities anticipate chaos and destructive behavior from those unhappy with the outcome. Social feeds are flooded with posts of anxious friends trying to stay calm. As much as it seems like we can just wipe the slate clean and start over with a fresh new year, no one knows how the rest of the year is going to go.
The holidays alone create a lot of stress, but when there are limits on activities due to social distancing, in addition to the aftermath of a highly anticipated election, it seems as if the holiday spirit barely has fighting chance. Caring for yourself this season is critical. It will make the all the difference in your ability to be resilient for whatever stressors you are faced with.
Take Care of the Basics
When things get hectic it is easy to overlook basic needs. For most people it’s either eating or sleeping that get neglected. Skipping a meal because you were too distracted to remember eating or losing sleep because you were trying to get something finished isn’t going to help you in the long run. If you can manage to get your basics in (food, water, rest) you’ll be better equipped to handle all of the hard things.
Breathe
It might seem odd that I’m reminding you to breathe since our body does this automatically, but people often hold their breath or take shallow breaths when they are under tension. Take a moment right now to become aware of how you are breathing. Thank your lungs for working hard during a time where the world seems to literally be taking our breath away. Something as simple as taking three intentional breaths a few times a day can make a huge difference on how stressful events affect your mental and physical well-being.
Cleanse and Moisturize
Skincare takes effort and it often goes out the door when life gets overwhelming. I’ll admit it, I’ve neglected to wash my face in the morning and I’ve gone to bed with my makeup on. Doing this once or twice a month is not a big deal, but do this two weeks in a row and you will see the negative effects. In the words of Rachel Hollis “girl wash your face!” At the very least, when you don’t have time, wipe your face down with your Queen’s Cloth and slap on some moisturizer.
Empathize
Not so much with other people, but more with yourself. It’s okay to have big feelings even when it doesn't make sense to anyone else. Understand your emotional needs, if you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream and throw things you can scream into your pillow and throw soft things at the wall so you don’t have to clean up a mess or scare anyone. If you want praise or attention from your loved ones, ask for it. Remember that you are a human, not a superhero. Being human means being flawed while doing the best you can. You can’t truly empathize with others until you’ve learned how to empathize with yourself.
Pressure to Make the Holidays Special
If you want to maintain social distancing and avoid the holiday crowds, know that you aren’t the only one with this idea. Expect longer than usual delivery times and out-of-stock items if you’re going to do your shopping online. People this year are so hungry for the holiday spirit, many Christmas items are already being sold out.
As far as gifts go, consider talking to your friends and family about exchanging homemade gifts or even having no gifts at all. Create an Acts of Service coupon book for loved ones with helpful offerings like making a meal, taking their car to get an oil change, free babysitting, or cleaning their house. These are things that are much appreciated and often overlooked as gifts. Start a new tradition with your friends and family that takes the attention away from gifts and is much more meaningful.
Pressure to Make Happy Family Memories
It’s difficult to know whether social distancing restrictions are going to stay lenient or become more strict as the weather gets colder and flu season approaches. While you may be dreaming of a non-Zoom Christmas it’s very possible that traveling to see loved ones may be limited. Ultimately you will have to decide in your network whether it’s okay to gather or safer to not. If you do decide to get together make sure you stay as safe as possible. Pay attention to the CDC’s current recommendations on holiday gatherings. Decide with your people, ahead of time, how much physical contact you will have (to hug or not to hug?) so that it’s not awkward when you see loved ones you haven’t seen in a while. If being with your family is not your favorite thing, it’s okay to use social distancing as an excuse to avoid seeing them. For many people, the holidays are laden with drama and they can’t get out of seeing their family. If you know you have that one relative who is probably going to upset you, make a plan to play defense. It will take way more effort to try and change the other person’s behavior than it will to try and manage how you react to the situation.
Stay aware of repeating topics that push your buttons whenever family gets together.
Whether it’s Dad giving unsolicited financial advice again, or your cousin Christie overdoing it on the eggnog and making inappropriate comments to guests, pay attention to your body’s signals. What sensations do you feel when you are being triggered? Does your heart start to race or do you hold your breath? Do you feel a pit in your stomach or a lump in your throat? Does your face flush or do you feel a tightness in your chest? Whatever it is, take it as a cue to excuse yourself and “go to the restroom” or “answer an important work call.” Don’t feel like you have to defend your life choices to others. It’s most likely not useful and could end up escalating the situation. Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed in a social setting I often run to the store and pick up something random like an extra bottle of wine. I ask the hosts if they need anything and they usually do, so my escape plan looks very inconspicuous.
When Being Alone Feels Like Something is Wrong
If you are typically alone for the holidays but always get invited somewhere with the exception of this year, let’s take a moment to acknowledge how sad this is. Let’s also appreciate that if you’re an introvert then you won’t have to deal with the pressure to make an appearance anywhere, and you won’t have to deal with any drama (see above). If you’re the kind of person that needs to be around other people, know that the holidays don’t have to be filled with joy every year. Sometimes we have sad, uneventful holidays and that’s okay. For now, you can distract yourself in several ways. Treat yourself to an extravagant day. Order a fancy meal, book yourself a spa day or massage somewhere that is open and provides services during quarantine. Splurge on a really nice gift for yourself. Find a virtual event and make some new friends. Donate your time to a local soup kitchen or animal shelter. If you’re worried about catching germs, check out virtual events instead.
Pressure to Keep Up Appearances
One of the biggest all time stressors during the holidays is money, and there’s often high expectations for the holidays to be memorable. Remember that it’s not about the gifts and the glamour, it’s about relaxing and connecting with people we love. You don’t have to spend a ton of money to make it special, just come up with a budget that feels comfortable and stick to it. If you’re hosting a gathering, try potluck style. Not only will you get to taste different styles of cooking, you’ll have less work to do and more time to kick back and have fun. If feeding people is your love language but you’re low on funds this year, you can easily cook up a feast for under $50.
As mentioned before, homemade gifts are always nice, and they don’t have to be laborious. If you’re candle-obsessed like me, you know there's always that last bit of wax that falls below the wick and can’t be relit once the wick has burned down. You can make homemade wax melts out of this, and who couldn’t use some extra bath salts for an evening of self-care? If DIY is really not your thing, talk to your friends and family about doing a Secret Santa this year or get everyone to agree on delaying gifts until January so you can take advantage of all the post holiday sales. You could also forgo gifts altogether and plan to save money for a family vacation in summer of 2021.
The Christmas tree is a huge deal for many people. If you buy a fresh tree every year consider making a tree alternative. I have a friend who makes a tree out random objects every year. Once she used Yogi Tea bags, another time she used books stacked in a tree shape. Each time her tree was special and unique.
I do want to acknowledge anyone who has lost a loved one, been affected by illness, or has had an exceptionally rough time this year. I don’t know that these suggestions will be useful to you at all but maybe, just maybe, one of these ideas can offer you a moment's relief from the pain that this year has brought us.
With love,
Natashia
